


I didn't realize

by visionsofcharmiee



Category: Call Me By Your Name - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-19 05:25:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19350385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/visionsofcharmiee/pseuds/visionsofcharmiee
Summary: Elio and Oliver have a fight, and Oliver is left realizing things he should've noticed before.





	I didn't realize

**Author's Note:**

> This is a one-shot taken off of my instagram, @visionsofcharmiee. It was originally posted and written there.

"Stop denying it, Oliver! You knew exactly what you were doing." Elio pointed an accusing finger at Oliver as the two boys practically stomped into their apartment from the club they had just been in.

"What was I doing? What I was doing, Elio, was having a simple conversation with a guy on the dance floor. I don't know why you're reading so much into this when I truly wasn't doing anything!" Oliver growled in frustration.

Oliver, or "Gentle Giant" as Elio so affectionately put it, rarely lost his cool. The blonde was older, a bit more mature, and an overall kind and patient soul. But tonight, his fuse was a bit shorter for some reason, and Elio was about to get the brunt of the impending explosion the further the argument continued.

"You were not! You were subconsciously flirting with him and I could tell you were enjoying it! Why can't you just admit it?!" Elio shouted.

"Why can't you just admit you're being a jealous, immature, and insecure little asshole right now?!" Oliver snapped.

As soon as the words flew out of Oliver's mouth, he immediately deeply regretted them. Oliver swallowed harshly when Elio looked as if he had been backhanded. Elio blinked once. Then twice.

The truth was, deep down, Elio was insecure. Oliver had left him once.

Though he had forgiven his lover for it, he hadn't really forgotten. It had traumatized Elio. He never felt completely good enough, or that he was attractive enough, or smart enough to keep up with Oliver. He felt small, in more ways than one. And now Oliver had just spit out those mean words at him with little to no thought at all.

Oliver's brows furrowed at Elio's silence. The boy looked a bit pale, a foggy look over his face as if he was in some sort of subspace-but not the good kind, the kind Oliver loved putting Elio into in the throes of passion they frequently shared.

Both boys chests heaved. "Elio-"

Elio steeled himself and looked Oliver straight in the eyes. "Why don't you just do it then? Leave me. Like you did once. You'll do it again. It's just a matter of time." Elio said, his voice the only thing betraying his immense hurt.

This time, it was Oliver that looked aghast. In his mind, he figured Elio had moreover completely forgiven him for what had happened back in Crema. That he had reassured him and showed him time and time again that things would be different this time, that he loved him more than himself, more than anything.

"You know what? I don't think you ever loved me the way I love you. And yes, I am insecure. I'm always insecure around you. I know you could find someone so much better than me, and I guess seeing my worst fear practically unfold in front of me caused me to lash out. But it's okay, Oliver. I'll get out of your hair right now." Elio abruptly turned to leave, Oliver's heart thumping painfully hard as he lunged forward and grabbed Elio's wrist in desperation. Oliver could hardly believe the things Elio had just uttered. He didn't know that what he had said really was Elio's most turmoiled inner thoughts.

"Elio, no, baby, just-"

"Don't call me baby." Elio spat. He tried to shake Oliver off, but failed miserably as the stronger male then tugged him to his chest and threw him over his shoulder.

"No! Let me down! Fuck you! Fuck you Oliver!" Elio pounded Oliver's back with his fists, nearly shrieking. 

Oliver slammed the door shut to their bedroom as he stormed in and threw Elio onto their bed, instantly straddling him and pinning his hands to the bed. He knew that Elio couldn't get free and took it to his advantage today.

"Fuck you for leaving me! Fuck you for making me think I mean anything to you! I'm just a stupid kid, right?! Admit it!" Elio's face was now morphing into sheer pain, tears filling his eyes at a rapid pace as his demons came flooding in. As he thrashed on the bed, a few tears rushed out, then more, and then he was full on wailing. And Oliver could do nothing but watch him, his face pinched in intense sadness and overwhelming guilt. He bit his lip harshly, his own eyes filling with tears as he watched his beautiful, hurting boy fall apart. He didn't know that their relationship seemed all good and well but was actually slowly teetering on unhealthy. Elio was clearly not okay, and had demons he needed to push out of his mind. Perhaps Oliver _had_ been flirting tonight and was in denial somehow. But he hadn't done anything on purpose, he just thought he was being friendly as usual. He was trying to see it from Elio's point of view. Elio had been hurting deep down inside this whole time, and in a sense Oliver came to the conclusion that he had ultimately failed as a partner, as a lover, and as a best friend.

"Baby," Oliver choked out, releasing a hand and wiping Elio's tears away as they came like a broken dam.

"I need you to relax for me, El, okay? When you relax we can talk and I'm going to help you, okay? We're going to be okay, Elio." Oliver was trying to reassure the both of them futilely. Oliver then released Elio's other hand and wrapped Elio up in his arms tightly, pressing him very firmly to his chest as if he could take away Elio's pain and transfer it to himself so he could bear both his own and his boyfriend's.

This hurt. This hurt a lot.

But he knew that for both of their benefits and for their relationship, Oliver had to say what he was going to say next.

"Elio...Elio, I think we should take some time apart and send you to therapy." At this, Elio sobbed, clenching Oliver's shirt tightly in his hands. Oliver rocked them back and forth as he sat up and leaned against the headboard. This was more painful than he thought. He took a deep breath to calm his already fried nerves.

"There's obviously some trauma and pain that you're not letting go of. That's my fault partially. And I understand it all, I really do. But I think that...that by taking some time apart, and you going to therapy, we can then come back together even stronger after some time and have not just an even better relationship, but friendship as well. I'm not breaking up with you. It'll almost be like a time out. You should stay with a friend during that time, to have some separation from me. There's obviously internal resentment here, even if you don't think it. You have every right to hate me, baby, but you have to realize the first time I left you was for your own good and also because I had little to no choice. Everything I have ever done, I've only thought of what was best for you. And now, I think therapy and some separation is what is going to be for the best." Oliver whispered sadly. Elio merely cried and cried, stuffing his face into Oliver's neck until he put on his big boy boxers and nodded in very small motions. He knew deep down inside that this was probably a good idea. His mind was very loud at times, and subconsciously he needed an outlet for all of the things ravaging inside.

"No breaking up?" Elio's voice was shattered, but he wasn't opposing Oliver's suggestion, and so Oliver was relieved. Oliver could use the time apart to also rethink and reestablish their relationship to be based only on love, trust, and honesty, and it seemed these things were lacking lately. He wanted to improve for his Elio and for himself. But maybe now, their issues could be solved when Elio was in a better head space. Both boys were ultimately at fault for their communication crumbling bit by tiny bit.

"No breaking up, ever. Just clarity and us figuring our shit out so we can be better people and better partners to each other. Don't you want that? To be our best versions of ourselves and to live in content and pure authentic happiness?" Oliver murmured, his eyes finally allowing the tears to fall. He stroked Elio's hair, the both of them calming down slowly. This communication here was the most they had gotten out of each other in a long time, and although the circumstances aren't good, Oliver is glad that it happened.

"Yes. I do. I'm sorry." Elio's voice cracked.

"I'm sorry too." Oliver replied quietly, then sniffled after.

"I'll try to be better, to get help. Will you...will you go to therapy too? For me? Maybe there's...maybe there's stuff you need to talk about too. I want us both in a good place." Elio sniffled and tucked himself into Oliver as he felt all the fight suddenly drain out of him. Oliver breathed heavily.

"Yes, I'll look into it for myself too. That'll be a good idea." He said.

Both boys sat in silence for a few minutes, contemplating everything that just happened. Then, a whisper.

"You still love me, right...?" Elio said, a bit unsure.

Oliver kissed the top of his head. "I will love you until my last breath. And after all of this, in a few months when we're the best version of ourselves and back on our feet, our love will be even stronger because we got through this battle together. Always together. You and me 'til the end."

"Until the end." Elio repeated.


End file.
